How Do I Say Goodbye to My Dog?

OK, so that sounds like a country song title, but it’s actually a serious topic of interest to every dog family, because all of us will go through it at some point, hopefully later rather than sooner.  When it is time for your dog to go to that big park in the sky, what can you do to make the process easier for the dog, you, your kids, and anyone else who might be involved?

How do I know when it’s time to euthanize my dog?

Sometimes the decision is easy, such as when a dog has been hit by a car and has no hope of living any kind of a normal life.  Other times, it is gut-wrenching, and you will likely second guess yourself for the rest of your life.

There are a couple of reasons you might consider putting your dog down.  The most common reason is due to a serious illness.  You might choose to put your dog down when you first get the diagnosis, or you might attempt treatment and euthanize the dog only if he or she doesn’t respond, or you may choose not to offer treatment, but to put the dog to sleep when the symptoms interfere with the animal’s quality of life.

If you choose to put the dog to sleep as soon as you get the diagnosis, it may be because the treatment will be too hard for the dog to take, or it may be because your family finances simply will not allow you to pursue advanced and costly treatment for your dog.  Certainly no one is advocating that you treat the dog before you feed your kids, and a budget can only stretch so far.

If you decide to put off the decision about euthanasia, it can sometimes be hard to tell when you need to step in and make a choice.  Like anyone, dogs have good days and bad days.  You may be able to improve your dog’s quality of life with something simple like buffered aspirin for pain relief, and your dog will hang on for a relatively long time.  With or without treatment, there will generally come a time when your dog decides he or she has simply had enough.

The dog might communicate this to you in a number of different ways, but one of the most reliable is the eyes.  A dog who is in pain will show white at the bottom of the eyes, and it may be bloodshot.  In essence, the dog will look like an old hound dog with droopy lids and a very sad face.  It’s a little tough to describe here, but you will know it when you see it.

Other signs your dog may be done with this life are loss of appetite, inability to control bowels or bladder, disinterest in play or even in getting up out of bed.  When you recognize these signs in your best friend, it’s probably time to at least consult the vet as to whether or not you should put the animal down.  You may feel like a real heel for doing so, but it’s important to remember that your dog will be better off when the pain is gone for good.  You might want to ask yourself the question, “Is my dog having more good days or more bad days?”  If bad days are winning out, it’s probably time to call the vet.

Other than injury or illness, other reasons you might consider putting your dog down include a dog who is vicious or a dog who can no longer be cared for by your family, for financial or other reasons.  If your dog has bitten people or other dogs for no reason, you may choose to take the proper precautions such as a high, sturdy fence and extra insurance, or you may have to make the decision to put the dog down.  It is not unusual for families to decide they can no longer have a certain dog in their home, particularly if there are two-legged children at risk or if the family has been sued due to an attack committed by the family pet.

If the reason for putting your pet down has more to do with you than with your dog, please explore options other than putting the dog to sleep.  Many shelters and breeders will take back a dog that is just not working out for your family.  Rescue organizations and shelters understand that sometimes the family budget gets cut for reasons out of anyone’s control, and the dog is simply a victim of finances.  No one likes to think of their dog going to a shelter, but if you choose to go this route, you may be able to find one that has a no-kill policy.  Search online for a breed rescue group if you have a purebred.  They are usually more than willing to foster your dog until a suitable placement can be found.  Your veterinarian may be able to help you locate a group or an individual who would be able to take your dog if you need to give him or her up.

No matter which reason you have for considering euthanasia, you will want to discuss your feelings and thoughts with family members, other people who are significant in the dog’s life, and with your veterinarian before coming to a final conclusion on the matter.

Once I’ve made the decision for euthanasia, how do I proceed?

Although it is possible to perform a euthanasia at home, the preferred method is to allow your dog’s vet to handle the procedure.  Your vet has been through this before with many other animals and their families, so he could be your best resource to getting through the process.  Most vets will be willing to fit you in on the same day when it becomes necessary to euthanize the dog.

If you don’t have an ongoing relationship with a veterinarian, you may want to call around and make sure that the clinic where you make an appointment will allow you to be in the room with your dog as he is put to sleep.  No matter how weak and weepy you think you will be in that room, you simply have to be there for your dog.  It’s the least you can do.

Make sure that each family member has a chance to say goodbye to the dog before you load him or her up in the car, if possible.  Except in cases of critical injury, you can usually wait a few hours for everyone to get home before you rush off to the vet clinic.

When you arrive at the vet’s office, ask if you can make arrangements before you go into the examination room.  It’s much easier to deal with payment and questions about disposition of the remains before the procedure.  After you have done all of the paperwork, you will probably be escorted into an examination room.  Your dog will be placed on the table, or in the case of very large dogs, on the floor.  Very small dogs may be held in your lap during the procedure.

The veterinarian should come into the room and ask if you want to talk about your decision before making it final.  If you have any questions or want to explore other options, this would be the time to do so.  Once you are satisfied that euthanasia is the only option for your pet, the vet will give the dog a shot of anesthesia, usually in a vein on one of the front paws, and your dog will simply go to sleep.  The vet will check the dog’s heartbeat with a stethoscope over the course of the next one or two minutes, and then he or she will tell you that the dog is gone.  Your vet may leave the room and allow you time to say goodbye, if the clinic’s workload scheduling permits.

What do I do with the body?

Before you have the vet give the injection, it’s important that you consider what you will do with the dog’s body.  Most vets have an arrangement with at least one crematorium and one pet cemetery.

Your basic options include:

• Burial at home
• Burial in pet cemetery (individual or mass grave)
• Cremation (individual or with other dogs)
• Return of ashes or not

If you choose to bury the dog at home, consider how you will get the body home.  You are not likely to want to just load your best friend into your car and drive off.  The vet may be able to provide a cardboard carrier or at least a paper bag if the dog is small enough to fit in one.  Otherwise, you may want to bring a blanket or kennel with you.  Check your local ordinances to make sure it is legal for you to plant your pet in the back yard.

If your community is fortunate enough to have a pet cemetery, you may make arrangements for your pet to be buried there.  Things to check in advance include whether or not the body must be cremated before burial, whether or not individual gravesites are allowed, whether or not gravestones are permitted, and whether or not the cemetery is open so you can sit near your dog’s grave and reflect on your life with him or her.

If you don’t want to deal with the body at all, chances are your vet will send the animal to be cremated along with any other animals the crematorium receives that day.  The ashes of all of the animals will probably be co-mingled and disposed of together.  Alternatively, you can pay for a private cremation, which your vet can probably arrange for you.  Your dog’s body will be burned alone, and you will be able to get back the ashes if you’d like to display them in an urn or bury them.

If you choose to display the ashes, you have many options.  The ashes will be returned to you in a plastic bag, possibly inside a tin container of some kind.  You may choose to simply keep the ashes in the container, as many vets provide a tin with dog footprints or some other design on it, and it is totally adequate for this purpose.  You can upgrade to a more formal urn at a housewares store or at one of your local funeral homes.

Dealing with the after-effects of dog euthanasia

Because of the important place your dog held in your family, you will likely be dealing with the effects of his or her death for quite awhile after the process is completed.  You may go through the classic stages of grief – denial, anger or guilt, depression, acceptance – just as you would for anyone else you have lost.  This is totally normal, and should not be cause for concern.

Many times, it is tough to get through the entire grief process if you feel guilty about having made the decision to put the dog to sleep.  If you came to the decision by consulting with your family and your vet, it may help you to remember that you were doing what was in the best interest of both your family and the dog.

It may help you to reach the acceptance stage if you have a way to remember the dog.  You may wish to have a memorial service or spread the dog’s ashes in a favorite spot, or release balloons which contain the dog’s picture.  You might make a donation to a pet-related charity in your dog’s memory.  You may choose to display the dog’s picture or collar to give you a frequent reminder of the special memories you created with the pet.

Whether or not you choose to bury your dog or the ashes in your back yard, there are numerous places you can purchase a memory stone to place either at the gravesite or in your garden.

Everlife Memorials has a wide selection not only of memorial stones but also urns, jewelry, and other keepsakes.

PetMemorial.com allows you to place a free or premium memorial message about your dog online.

Heaven’s Playground offers a site for posting photos and memories, as well as a place to buy keepsakes.

If you need to talk about your loss, visit the Delta Society’s searchable listing of grief support groups just for pet families.

If you have children in your home, you may want to read GriefHealing.com’s article on Helping Children Cope With a Pet’s Euthanasia.